


Have You Naked By The End Of This Song

by plinys



Series: the legendary porn star au - or whatever we're calling this [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Porn, Because I'm a Loser Who Can't Let Crack Be Just Crack, Crack, F/M, In Character, In Character Crack, Pornstars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-13 22:59:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2168427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/pseuds/plinys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're porn stars, and then feelings happen. Except, they don't know they're porn stars. Or well, they each don't know the other person is. It's complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have You Naked By The End Of This Song

**Author's Note:**

> So, once upon a time, your good friend fic writer Jess (that's me), misread a post by Jen (Quibbler) about her Pop Star au, as Porn Star au, and then once the idea of FitzSimmons as porn stars was out in the world, well, it had to be created. And that is where baby fics come from. Or something like that...

“People don’t accidently become porn stars.”

“Well, no not usually but, but ahhh yes – sometimes they do-”

“That’s impossible. You can’t accidently do porn. I mean, you could accidently make a sex tape and accidently have it leak, but you don’t – what we do, it’s different. You have to be willing to do-“

“The do?”

“To have sex, yes, really you can’t say sex while we are-“

“I’m just saying, when I walked in here that first day I never intended to become this-“

“Like one day you strolled into an _adult film studio_ and expected that they were making serious business movies-“

“I’m not that naïve!”

“Not going to comment on that one.”

“I’m not! I knew exactly what sorts of films were being made here!”

“Right then-“

“Excuse me,” comes the director’s voice, cutting off their conversation, “could you two focus so we can finish this video?”

“Oh yes sorry,” she says flashing her most apologetic smile in the direction of their director, before turning back to her partner “Uh, where were we?”

“You were moaning about how great my giant cock was?”

“Ah, right, shall we?”

\---

“Oi, fuck you and your stupid red shell!”

“Ohh kinky!”

“I wasn’t talking to you-“

“Isn’t it usually the other way around with you two anyways?”

“Shut up,” he says, slamming his fingers down on the remote with passion in an attempt to block out the very distracting female voice at his side.

“I’m just saying, aren’t you like the biggest bottom bitch in the industry?”

“I could top if I wanted to.”

She laughs so hard that she ends up driving her character off the bridge, which barely makes up for the fact that she’s still laughing at him and insisting that she “can’t breathe” because of how funny the idea of him topping anybody is.

It’s not his fault that he’s adorable and apparently _delectably twinky_ if their boss’ words were anything to go off of. 

“I could,” he insists again, before cursing as the one of the coms cut him off _again._

“You could _fuck_ ,” she giggles again, “oh please Fitz, you could _be_ fucked.”

“Shut up,” he says again, but when she just starts to laugh he throws the Wii remote down, picks up one of the pillows off the couch and turns to smother her with it.

She manages to stay out of his grasp for all of ten seconds, before he uses what little body fat he has to pin her down with the pillow

“Ward! Help me! Save your girlfriend from your platonic fuck buddy!”

“No,” Ward answers, finally speaking up for the first time since they started playing the game.

“You’re the worst,” Skye shouts out from underneath the pillow that Fitz is doing his best to silence her with.

“Sorry, I was trying to focus on beating you two in Mario Cart,” Ward says once his victory is locked in,  “which I just did, now what nonsense were you two blabbing about?”

 “Fitz is murdering me!”

“Sounds kinky?”

“I hate both of you,” Fitz just announces, but really that announcement isn’t anything out of the usual.

\---

Jemma’s pretty sure she has still has glitter stuck to her breasts, which is why pulling on an obnoxiously stuffy knit sweater even though it’s nearly ninety degrees outside seems like a good idea. Technically she probably could have pulled off a crew neck shirt, but that was so out of her usual that it might have drawn even more suspicion than had she actually worn a shirt with a low enough cut to show off the glitter.

Honestly, whose ever idea it had been to cover them in glitter and have her pretend to be a fairy was definitely smoking something.

Because she looked nothing like Tinker Bell, and also what sort of person got off to the image of Tinker Bell and- maybe, it was best to just stay away from that train of thought.

Not too many other people she knew had jobs of such a complicated nature as her own, normal people could talk about their jobs without getting flustered, and wouldn’t have to come up with completely bullshit explanations for what she was doing when he lab partner had to meet and instead she had to be stuck shooting a video.

There was no real way to explain that she was a porn star, or accidently a porn star, to anybody without sounding completely insane.

In her defense it was only a temporary thing and something she was doing as a part of her research for her thesis. At least, that was what made the whole project feel more justifiable.

And less like a dirty little secret.

“Sorry,” Jemma says, the phone pressed between her head and her shoulder, “I worked late last night, and slept through my alarm, but I’ll be there soon.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” he insists, his Scottish accent giving the words a certain emphasis as he continues on, “honestly, I’ve got a bit of a hangover right now, my roommates did some dumb video game thing and well it sort of got out of control.”

Right, Jemma had heard about how roommates before, or well his roommate and his roommate’s live in girlfriend who walked around like she owned the place, Fitz complains about them often enough during their study sessions though Jemma had yet to catch their names. Once she had looked down at Fitz’s phone by mistake and noticed that the person calling was saved in his phone as _freeloader_ , but she had done her best to try not to assume anything.

 “Oh yeah, I know how that is,” Jemma lies, thankful that he cannot see her facial expression otherwise her lie would be far too obvious, and actually continuing like this would probably only make it worse, so she huffs, takes one last look in the mirror to make sure her appearance is in order and says, “look I have to catch a bus, but I’ll be in the lab before you know it!”

\---

It’s officially he has the most amazing lab partner in the history of lab partners.

At least, the mug of tea that she presses into his hands, warmed to perfection with just the right amount of sugar is a point in her favor. She claimed that it was an apology for running so late, but showing up looking her usual self, cheeks slightly flushed from the unforgiving summer wind, more than enough made up for it.

Then again, Fitz probably shouldn’t be checking out his lap partner since he had absolutely no chance of ever moving onto being something other than just lab partners.

“You’re an angel,” he says when he takes a drink and it’s just as sweet as he had hoped it would be.

“Oh Fitz,” she laughs, pulling out their unfinished lab report, “I’m far from that.”

“True, I don’t know too many angels that descend from the heavens carrying tea,” Fitz confesses, “normally they’re bringing down terrible news like ‘oh you think your so cool well go sacrifice your favorite kid’ or ‘hey I know you are super poor but what about having a miracle baby would that be chill?’”

“What are you even talking about?”

 “Angels being terrible terms of endearment,” he explains, smiling because he knows she’s just teasing him, it’s their usual sort of banter that makes being lab partners so fun, “you’re too amazing to be an angel, more like a fairy godmother really but- are you okay?”

Jemma makes a startled noise almost like a cough and Fitz looks up just in time to see her set down her tea too quickly so it spills over and look overly pale.

“Sorry, that was a shit comparison as well-“

“No, no, it wasn’t you,” Jemma insists, as she grabs paper towels to dab up the spilled tea, “I just ah- just burnt the roof of my mouth, hot tea, wrong pipes.”

He feels like he should probably apologize again, because he can tell from the flush that’s creeping up her color and the way she keeps dabbing at the same spot on the countertop even though there’s no tea there anymore, that something is wrong, probably his fault. He had been working on the whole thinking before he spoke thing, but it was a bit difficult when Jemma was around.

“Uh, okay,” Fitz says, still a bit skeptical, but it was clear that Jemma wanted to change the topic, so he scrambles his mind for something new to say before settling on, “oh, I’ve been meaning to ask! How has your thesis been going?”

“Good, good,” she says dismissively, but she’s still ducking away from him, busying herself on the other side of the lab.

For the past few weeks, ever since Jemma off-handedly mentioned her thesis Fitz had been trying to get information out of her about it. Normally people were all too eager to talk about them and get ideas from their fellow scientists. And while Fitz knew about the one she was doing for biochem, after all, they were sort of working together on that one, she had kept mum on what she was writing for her other degree.

He figured that that meant it was something incredible that she was going to unleash on the world one day and take everybody by surprise, which meant that Fitz was incredibly curious.

“Did you figure out the thing with the covalent bonds,” Jemma asks, directing them back to their project and away from the mysterious thesis.

“I did!”

\---

“You promised me an interview,” Jemma reminds her, bouncing up and down on her toes, “remember?”

“Kitten,” her boss-aka-future-interview-subject smiles, “did nobody ever teach your patience.”

“I have to turn this in before the end of the semester,” which was technically months away, but it was quite clear that the only thing the other woman knew about university were that putting tiny sweaters with Greek letters on pretty girls made for good money.

“I know, I know, soon, I’ve just been so busy with,” but she doesn’t finish the sentence, whatever excuse she had been about to give Jemma trails off and she says, “oh that reminds me though, naughty school girls, you should talk with Flowers before your video.”

“Wait how does that-“ but she doesn’t get to finish her question, because the she walks off leaving Jemma alone in search of something to do before the next inevitable shoot.

\---

“So when are you going to invite this girlfriend of yours-“

“Not my girlfriend-“

“Lab partner,” Ward supplies the correct term, proving if nothing else that at least _he_ listens to Fitz.

“Fine, lab partner,” Skye agrees reluctantly, “when are you going to invite your _lab partner_ over to the apartment so that we can meet her properly?”

Fitz makes a face for a second like he’s actually thinking about it, before quickly shaking his head, “yeah, no, never.”

“But Fitz! We’ll play nice! I won’t bite unless she asks me to!”

“See this is exactly why I can’t bring her over, I’ll have her in her for two seconds and then you’ll be all ‘did Fitz mention he does gay porn?’ and then goodbye any chance I might have had with her!”

“There’s nothing embarrassing about being gay for pay,” Skye insists, “right?”

Ward shrugs his shoulders, “it pays the bills.”

“You know it isn’t the gay part that was the problem here,” even though okay yeah that was a bit of a problem. Ward had proven that doing gay porn didn’t mean that he had to be gay, by very obviously dating Skye, but then again he was the guy that topped not- but Fitz was very much straight and very much just doing for money so that wasn’t a problem. His problem was more fundamental than that, “it’s the _porn_ part.”

“I’m sure she’s never seen your videos,” Ward offers, not entirely helpful, but nonetheless a good point.

“This is why you should date somebody in the industry,” Skye announces, completely missing the point, not for the first time either, “I could set you up on some dates!”

“Please no-“

“I think Flowers is single now, or-“

“Who?”

“Flowers,” Skye repeats, as if that will clear everything up.

“Normal people don’t go by their porn names outside of work,” Ward reminds her gently.

“I do! And so does Fitz,” she objects.

Fitz for his part grimaces, technically that was true. Technically, he didn’t go by _Leo_. He never had in his life, preferring the full version of his first name whenever he was forced to use it, but still technically his work name was his real name. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, something he could keep like a separate identity but familiar enough that he would remember to respond to it.

“I said normal people,” Ward repeats.

“Right, because normal people name their porn-y alter egos after their dead dogs!”

\---

“You look like you need a break,” Fitz says.

He knows her far too well (though not enough in some parts), and Jemma is more than happy to comply when he insists that they break for lunch and that coming back to finish the project later won’t cause any sort of trouble.

An hour later when they’re sitting in a familiar sandwich shop, exchanging pleasant small talk, Jemma is finally able to relax enough to actually talk about what was on her mind.

“I know if I could just interview her then I would have this paper done,” Jemma explains, “but every time I ask she puts me off with some excuse. It’s incredibly frustrating.”

“I could help you find other interview subjects, find somebody else since this one isn’t working out,” Fitz offers, in his incredibly helpful and endearing way.

He’s always so wonderfully helpful; it’s one of the many things she likes about having him as a lab partner and friend.

Maybe it’s because she hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in a while or maybe it’s because she’s just really frustrated by how this paper is going, but somehow the words manage to slip out, “unless you happen to be best friends with porn stars I don’t think-“

“What,” he cuts her off, his voice an awkwardly high pitch that is quite unusual for him.

“Oh, that’s what my anthro thesis is on,” Jemma explains, trying to keep it as vague as possible now that the subject matter is out there in the open. There was no need to mention her _involvement_ in her research as long as she kept things vague, “I’m studying the social patterns of groups of people in a non-traditional workplace.”

“Ah, and of all those people you- you pick, uh,” he’s blushing now and suddenly far too interested in his sandwich.

“I thought it would be interesting.”

It was interesting.

“Well, I don’t,” he stammers out finally, “I don’t know any porn stars- I don’t even watch those sorts of things- I mean, never, it’s not, that would be- more than inappropriate. Honestly, Jemma, how did you even,” he stops, beat red and pokes at his sandwich once more before abruptly saying, “lovely weather we’re having isn’t it?”

She’s just as thankful for the change in topic and replies, “oh yes, though I always worry it’s just about to start raining again.”

\---

Technically Fitz is at work, but they’re between scenes right now, so talking while all dressed up seems like a good idea. Okay, actually it seems like a terrible idea, but at some point Skye had slipped into the room to see her “boyfriend in action” and brought along Flowers, otherwise known as Raina, who Skye was currently trying to set Fitz up with, unsuccessfully.

At least she wasn’t looking at him like he was insane, because he certainly felt that way dressed in a far too tight baseball uniform that was part of some porn-y fantasy he and Ward, otherwise known as Buddy when they were at work, were going to be acting out soon.

“I mean, what if she’s seen my videos,” Fitz says, the panic that had been stuck with him since lunch the day before now finding its way up and into his voice, “she’s writing a paper on porn stars and oh god- guess what I am, she’s probably known the whole time and didn’t want to embarrass me.”

“You should definitely come right out and tell her, that’s why I did with Skye,” Ward says, which is an irrelevant point since him telling Skye led to her joining the industry and he could hardly image Jemma doing the terrible things he had heard Skye describe as her ‘day job.’

Though the image was certainly one that got him more than a bit flustered.

 “Wait, does she do videos too,” Raina asks

“No definitely not,” Fitz answers her.

“Huh.”

“What?”

“No, I just thought for a second you guys were talking about Lovelace.”

“Pardon?”

“You mean the penguin from Happy Feet,” Skye asks in a high pitched squeal that is seconds from turning into laughter.

“Well, I don’t know her real name, she’s very secretive about that, new in the industry and all that, terrible actress according to Antoine but pretty enough,” Raina explains, “she asked if she could do an interview with her for a paper she was writing.”

“You don’t think-“ Fitz starts to say, only to be cut off by Skye now longer able to hold in her laughter.

“I thought Ward’s dead dog was awful, but this is even better! We have to watch that movie when we get home!”

“Shut up, Mary Sue.”

“Eww, Leo.”

“Sometimes I really look at my life choices and regret everything,” Ward mentions off-handedly, but nobody hears him, they’re too busy caught up in the epic insult war of Fitz and Skye.

\---

The next time that they’re in the lab working together, Fitz seems to be acting extra weird around her. Usually he would be over talkative going on and on about whatever new scientific discovery he had made or regaling her with the stories of his terrible roommates.

Today is different though.

And she doesn’t like it.

After what seems like an eternity of awkward and stilted conversation, Fitz finally says, “how’s your anthro thesis going,” all in a rush, and she can see at once that that was what had been bothering him.

Of course, she should have known that he would have this sort of reaction; most people thought her topic was bizarre or weird and tended to either be far _too_ interested or really unwilling to talk about it. Fitz was quite clearly in the second group, which really made it a good thing that she had never mentioned how she was going about her research.

Not that she was ever going to mention that part of it.

Not even in her final thesis report.

“Oh, it’s going good,” she replies.

“Any exciting new developments in the world of porn,” Fitz asks, his voice squeaking slightly over the words.

Jemma actually was beginning to feel bad as she watched poor innocent Fitz get all flustered on her behalf.

“Nothing too exciting.”

“Good,” he says, before frowning, “I mean – not good, but-“

“It’s good,” she just agrees and watches as her words put him a tiny bit more at ease.

Twenty minutes later where he makes one of those sarcastic quips she had missed so much, she can’t help herself from smiling like an idiot.

\---

“But wouldn’t you want to know,” Skye asks, “if it was her, wouldn’t you want to find out?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because some people don’t want to image the girl of their dream doing porn,” Fitz tells her briskly attempting to end the conversation.

“Yeah, no, that’s probably only you.”

\---

She has a very distinct sense that she’s being watched the next time she steps into the studio. Not that it’s a complete unusual sense; actually its one Jemma had felt quite often since she was roped into all of this.

Still, it’s enough to bother her, and as she looks around her to find the source of the creepy crawling feeling she ends up meeting eyes with another woman with dark hair wearing some sort of bedazzled bikini, apparently their theme for the day.

She waves when Jemma looks in her direction, and reluctantly the scientist waves back, which the other woman takes as a cue to head over to her.

“You’re Lovelace,” she says or asks, her tone making that unclear. When Jemma nods once she smiles, sticking out a hand and announces, “I’m Skye! I heard you’re new?”

“I am, yes.”

“And a terrible actress-“

“I wouldn’t say _terrible_.”

“Trip said you were terrible,” Skye informs her.

“Oh.”

“So what do you do for fun? Other than fake orgasms I mean?”

\---

“Remember that time we all got drunk and you insisted that you could do straight porn if you wanted to,” their director says one day after a particularly exhausting shoot.

“If you’re going to mock me could this wait until I have pants on,” Fitz asks, because really, why did they always have to have these discussions after he had just finished work.

He really needed to find a new job, but nothing paid quite as good as this one, and well, university tuition wasn’t exactly cheap.

“I was recently convinced to give you a shot-“

“By who?”

“Friday night we’re shooting a threesome, you, Trip and one of our newer girls.”

He was a bit suspicious, especially since the director wasn’t mentioning who the newer girl was and Fitz had a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that this had been arranged by the overly troublesome girlfriend of his roommate.

Still, he wasn’t about to miss out on an opportunity to switch to the other side of the industry, the side that he actually belonged on.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll be there?”

\---

“I’ve never done a threesome video before.”

“It’s not that hard,” she insists, “all you have to do is smile and look pretty which is about all you do anyways so-“

“Right, yeah okay.”

\---

“I’m going to murder your girlfriend,” Fitz announces as soon as he gets back to the apartment.

“There’s rope in the cupboard if you need it,” Ward says without even looking up from whatever he is cooking.

Fitz slams the door to his room before catching Skye’s indigent squeak, though the door is not soundproof enough for him to miss her shout of, “you’re welcome.”

\---

“Hey Fitz, this is Jemma,” she says into her phone, “I just wanted to let you know something came up and I won’t be able to meet up with you Friday. I’m really sorry about that, but I should be open sometime during the weekend if you want to work on our project! Sorry again!”

\---

“You do not have a cold,” Fitz hisses into the phone, where ten minutes before Antoine had called in his most apologetic tone, complete with a fake cough to insist that he won’t be able to make the shoot Friday and that is will just be Fitz and his mystery woman. “I’ve seen Mean Girls before, I know a fake cough when I hear one.”

“I’m really sick,” Antoine insists, adding in another fake cough.

“Did Skye put you up to this?”

He doesn’t answer right away and the silence stretches for far too long.

Finally, it breaks with yet another fake cough.

Which practically answers his question anyways.

“Boo you whore.”

\---

She’s already dressed up in her outfit, makeup already caked to her face, and she’s in the middle of her pre-filming ritual to disperse her anxiety when she hears a voice that nearly causes her heart to stop.

“Okay, but Trip isn’t actually sick,” the voice insists, and a part of Jemma wants to believe that she’s mistaken, that maybe all Scottish voices sound the same, and that this one could just happen to coincidently sound identical to her very attractive lab partner’s voice.

Except then he rounds the corner, standing there in what really is a glorified speedo, not actually shorts, talking to their director and oh yeah – that’s definitely, “Fitz?”

He whips around to look in her direction so fast it seems as though he might have gotten whiplash, but now he’s looking at her and there is no denying who is standing in front of her. He appears shocked, but only just barely, blinking at her a few times before he finally asks, “Jemma,” even though the answer must be as plain as day even with what felt like an inch of makeup on her face.

“You two know each other,” the director says, before nodding once, “then this should be easier. Trip’s out so it’s just you two, feel free to get acquainted while we get the set ready.”

And then just like that she’s left alone, in the last place she would have wanted to be, with Fitz standing across from her.

At least this made one thing clearer, “now I know why you were so embarrassed whenever I talked about my thesis,” she muses.

“Yeah well, you’re the one who- became a porn star to write a paper,” Fitz says waving his hand at her.

“It was for research, though that doesn’t explain why you-“

“Not all of us have London town houses and vacation homes in Paris-“

“Well, yes I know that, I always assumed you had a side job, and a coffee shop or something though not-“

“Once I played a barista-“

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, there was some coffee shop sexual fantasy that we had to play out-“

“That’s why you always acted so nervous around the baristas at Providence-“

“Well, you would too if-“

“No, I know! I can’t look at sorority girls without-“

She’s not sure when they stop talking and started laughing but it seems like such a wonderful transition that Jemma can’t say that she minds it. Sudden realizations aside, this is the first time she hasn’t been anything other than completely nerve wracked before these things, and even though she feels like she should really be nervous and dreading every minute of what was to come she had to admit that having Fitz here, finding out that he was like her, was actually a sort of incredible relief.

“If you two are ready over there,” the director calls out though, and his voice brings her back to the reality.

“Oh, are you, should we,” Jemma begins to ramble.

“We should.”

\---

“So guess whose video has the most hits in the history of Shield Porn and actually was so popular that the website crashed?”

“Do I want to ask,” Fitz says from his seat on the couch.

Jemma is sitting beside him, shaking with silent laughter that brings a smile to his face, when she finally answers, “let me guess, you?”

“No, not this time, for once it’s somebody else,” Skye corrects, sticking her tongue out at the both of them, “congrats you two!”

“I feel so honored,” he replies dryly.

“So honored,” Jemma repeats, her laughter bubbling up into her voice, but her fingers lace with his in an extremely comforting and wonderful manner.  

“You two are clearly made for each other, both very rude and unappreciated of your amazing roommate-“

“Not technically my roommate-“

“Who made you the best congratulations present in the world!”

“Please tell me it’s not a penis cake.”

It was a penis cake.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> And they all lived happily ever after as the best porn stars in the world, they went on to make millions of videos just between them and the directors were all impressed because Fitz is really twinky and Jemma is a terrible actress, but there's this magical chemistry between them that needed to be shared onto the world or more accurately to the teenage boys of the world, or whatever.
> 
> Also Jemma finally ends up explaining that her porn star name is for her favorite scientist, not the penguin from Happy Feet, but that doesn't stop Skye from playing it at the apartment nonstop, to the point where Jemma actually broke the dvd so it couldn't be played again. Skye just bought a new one.


End file.
